Facebook Fever!

Hands shaking, body covered in cold sweat you reach out to the keyboard and login to Facebook. Furtively and with great strain you check your wall whispering "God I hope someone commented or someone from my 5th grade class adds me as a friend." Then it is with despair you realize no one has updated since your last Facebook fix... 3 minutes ago.

Today SSB reports on the "elephant in the room" that nobody wants to see, the addiction, the controversy and tragedy of Facebook Fever. SSB subjected one of our less popular senior staffers to this downward spiral, then we interviewed him in our tireless efforts to deliver the truth to you dear reader.

SSB: "Please describe in your own words the Facebook "process." We understand it happens in stages or maybe phases? Like the moon?"

Ed: "Sure. Yeah yeah." <Ed said this while smashing a cigarette out and blowing second had smoke into SSB's face. He started smoking 3 hours ago.> "Uh, Stage 1: The Signup...it started innocuously enough, I thought I'd catch up with some old friends, I thought I would move away from the mySpace crowd. Registration was easy."

SSB: "Too easy?"

Ed: "I guess."

SSB: "What happened next?

Ed: "Holy crap man, holy crap."

SSB: "Ok, Stage 2: Holy Crap. Tell us about that."

Ed: "The first trip down memory lane wasn't so great, my head was swimming, so many colors...and I'll tell you this: people were waiting for me when I joined. Like some old friends... just waiting for me, inviting me in."

SSB: "Wait a minute, your saying joining was like crossing over to the other side? The final mystery revealed, your family waiting opened arms for you to finish your journey across the river styx?"

Ed: "I guess so. There were a bunch of people I went to high school with."

SSB: "Astounding. What happened next?"

Ed: "Well, within 10 minutes I had 237 friends. The strange thing was unlike mySpace where I had some measure of anonymity, here I had total exposure. Truth exposed. You know."

SSB: "Sounds terrifying."

Ed: "It is. But after the terror, I found myself trying to find friends I haven't talked to in years."

SSB: "Really? And this is after only one visit to the site?"

Ed: "Yes." <Ed twitches and lights another cigarette>

SSB: "So these are people you haven't spoken to for a decade or more?"

Ed: "Yes." <Ed shivers as if someone walks over his grave.>

SSB: "Are you wanting to check the Facebook now?"

Ed: "No, no of course not."


SSB: "Really Ed? Really?"

Ed: "No!" <Ed breaks down and places his hands over his crying eyes.> "I want to check the Facebook now...I do...I do!"<Ed jumps up and leaps over a desk to log in.>

SSB: "Stage 3, full blown addiction. So Ed, why do you need to check? Is it the sickness?"

Ed: "I've got to know if anyones left me a message! I've got to know!"

SSB: "Tragic Ed. Tragic. By the way, you're fired."

Ed: "What?"

SSB: "Well no one likes you around here. Honestly, you're a douche. And this whole addiction thing is the perfect reason to axe you."

Ed: "..."

SSB: "Ed?"

Ed: "What? I'm updating my wall status!"

SSB: "Get out."

Facebook: mild mannered social networking or menace to society? Facebook Fever, swallowing the aging gen Xers and leaving crack heads in the wake. Only you can decide dear reader. Only you.

Copyright 2009 Solid State Brains