IAAPA '08 ~ Anecdotes and Anomalies

Its that time again folks... time to unload upon you who like to read the accumulated anecdotes of a week at IAAPA, the international amusement park and ride convention, this year held in Orlando Florida. Step by step. Raise your hand if you feel like a straight line. A vector.

I might mention I am writing this blog in Orlando at the 3 bedroom condo the six of us are staying. I've been averaging about 4 hours of sleep. At present I am in a deeply reclined position in a chair at a dinning room table, listening to Elbow, writing this blog, utterly exhausted, slightly delirious and seriously thinking about drinking the remaining Johnny Walker red I bought on Monday.

Anyway, I feel like I'm dreaming. I may ramble because my brain is barely functioning above the level of a seven year old right now. Hopefully a fairly bright and well read seven year old... see, I ramble and occasionally say strange things when i don't have any juice in m batteries.

I'm not sure how to present these but here they are:

Culmination of 100 plus hours of work....

anecdotes for Monday... 2 hours of sleep. Head to the airport to begin this excursion from reality.

We check 9 bags at he airport.

We have to leave Korey at the airport because the rental (dodge Caravan) is not large enough to accommodate all of us and our luggage. \Larry goes after him several hours later.

I rip my favorite pair of jeans while laying laminated flooring at the convention booth.

we eat pizza and sleep. Now the real fun begins.

Damn I'm so very hungry right now.

Tuesday...
The show opens… The Gravity Group holds a press conference…

TimberLiner!

Adventures in transportation
Through a series of mishaps it appears the remote for the car and the key for the car don’t work. I am elected to take care of it. I call and wait for about an hour for someone from the rental agency. They show up and we go to find the car, which is gone, save for a box of stuff my boss had jammed under it is strewn about the lot. I think the car has been stolen. Me and the rental guy split up to cover more ground. I find myself peering into every dodge caravan looking for ours, knowing in my heart it’s been stolen. 1.5 hours later, I get a call from a different section of the parking lot. “I think I found it.” Says the rental man.

In a flash all mysteries are solved. My boss forgot where we parked, jammed a box of crap under someone else’s Dodge caravan. That person kicked our box out from under their car. Of course the key and remote did’nt work. As a bonus my retinas were not permanently damaged by the blazing Florida sunshine.

My computer beats me
Though many believe spousal abuse to be dirty secret of many American relationships, I am somewhat ashamed to say that my nemesis is not a woman. While in the due course of attempting to remove my computer from a table to which it was attached via 2 way tape I ripped the top of the table off smashing my G5 into my face. There was blood. My computer accepted no blame. Below is the visual record of the healing process. That bastard.

Wed.

Ice Cream Man:

I met and hung out with the Ice cream man. This guy is something else. This guy has ridden his bike from California to Maine, he walked from Mexico to Canada, he walked the Appalacian trail. His curent plan is simple: Make a successful business out of giving away free ice cream. He is currently in year 5 of 7 of this plan. It appears to be working. I got a video interview with him in the ice cream truck while he drove us around. Check out the website here, and look into his “OFF THE WOOKIE” magazine. No lie. Most impressive moment for me was him regaling us with a tale of how he became friends with Neko Case.
As an added bonus he gave me Ice Cream Man guitar pics and a random iPod case.

GravityGroup Blog
heres some pics from the inside of the moving truck...


drawings
Somehow after the excitement of Wednesday I managed to fit in an entire 8 hours of work between ice cream man time and go to the convention the next day time. It gets frustrating at 3:00am when my computer notifies me “SYSTEM FAILURE”.
3:30 I have slapped some work together and called it good. 3 hours of sleep later I am awake.

thurs

I meet and smoke several cigarettes with iggy pop's bass player. He is a very amusing character. I initially thought he worked for Fender. I was wrong.

Charlie’s steak house
The plant below can be found outside of said steakhouse:

We decide to eat at the best and most expensive steak house in the state of Florida. My steak was 50oz…2.5 inches of juicy, bloody goodness.


After this I feel like death on the inside. Someone decides it’s a good idea to go out after that. I drink 2 very large cups of coffee and agree.

go kart racing
the night ends with go kart racing. Envision a three story track with a 32 degree incline at the top. Or just look at the pics. Invigorating.

The Gravity Group after hours...


fri

We all are very irritated with each other. I mean we packed up the booth and ate dinner at about 10:30 at night after eating nothing all day. That could have been my perception.


Unrelated note: My phone rocks at creating panoramic views.

It always seems a little sad to see all things sparkly and glittery torn down... wait a minute...I think I see the head of Hera...


The empty scotch bottle represents the rest of my friday night:


Sat.

We head home and Chad gets put in a corner by two wheelchaired ederly women. Nobody puts Chad in a corner...



the story ends with 11 straight hours of sleep....


The end.

Choose Your Own Adventure!

**SPECIAL ELECTION EDITION** 

In efforts to simplify this election SSB has created this handy Choose your Adventure to help guide you through the trials and tribulations you may face this coming election day.  Simply click the convenient links until all your dreams come true.-ed. 

1. You wake up to an alarm clock going off. You reach over to turn it off. You get out of bed and realize its Tuesday, November 4^th 2008. Right after breakfast and a pee it’s time to vote! Do you:

a. “Voting ROCKS!” Turn to page 2.
b. “F’ a bunch of voting!” Turn to page 147.

2. Upon reaching your designated voting destination you are accosted by people encouraging you to vote for their party or issue. Some of them are very forceful and pushy of their opinions. Do you: 

a. Let’s get this over with. Turn to page 3.
b. “McCain and Republicans all the way!” Turn to page 64
c. “Obama and Democrats all the way!” Turn to page 64
d. “I hate confrontations. I’m going home.” Turn to page 147.

3. After speaking with several old ladies about which line you should be in, you are patiently waiting when the woman in front of you asks you who they should vote for. Do you:

a. Take the high road?Turn to page 17.
b. Take the low road? Turn to page 22.

4. You finally get into the voting booth and vote for President. Do you:

a. “McCain Rules!” or “McCain is the lesser of 2 evils.” Turn to page 167.
b. “Obama Rules!” or “Obama is the lesser of 2 evils.”Turn to page 166.
c. “Third Party candidates rule!” Turn to page 77.
d. Write in Ron Paul. Turn to page 1776.
e. Write in Mickey Mouse or Ross Perot. Turn to page 77.

f.  None of the above. Turn to page 666.

17. You decide to take the high road. You tell the woman she’s the one to blame for the state of America and slap her. Turn to page 4.

22. You encourage the woman to vote for your candidate. You glow internally knowing you helped one of the “sheeple” make the right decision. Turn to page 4.

64. You punch a person with an opposing viewpoint in the face but they deserved it because you are right 100% of the time. The police show up and arrest you before you get the chance to vote.Turn to page 123.

77. Congratulations on voting your conscience! Sadly, your candidate loses the election. But no one can blame you, except the sore democrat/republican losers. Tragically the middle class are destroyed and America goes Bankrupt from printing too much money and fighting in too many wars. China collects on their treasury bonds, defeating America without a single shot fired. You become an indentured servant of the ruling Chinese class. You are as replaceable as a Double “A” battery. You disappear after voicing your opinion one day... never to be seen again. 

The End

123. Your choice has been made for you. A new president is elected. When questioned by the cops you voice your strong opinions. Your name is added to a terrorist suspect list due to your disorderly conduct and extreme beliefs. One night you wake up to a knocking at your door, you answer and are abducted by government agents. You are thrown into a jail cell and tortured for information. You are labeled an enemy combatant and left to rot in an undisclosed location for the rest of your life without the benefit of habeas corpus, a trial or even a lawyer.

The End

147. You have chosen to do nothing. Your choice has been made for you. Due to your lack of foresight, love of television or fear of confrontation America has crumbled and now become a third world nation in the time known as the End of Days. Roving bands of cannibals fillet your skin off and eat you alive.

The End.

166. Barack Obama is elected the first Black President! Sadly, all the fears of suburban and rural white America are confirmed. Barack Obama turns out to be a Muslim and the anti-Christ. Iran attacks Israel and terrorists attack Florida, but not before America becomes a socialist state. Everyones taxes are raised. The middle class is destroyed and the financial system crumbles after the treasury prints too much money with nothing backing it. On day 4 of standing in line for bread your youngest child dies of starvation. In desperation you try and escape the country. You die cold and alone due to starvation. Your withered extremities reach silently toward the Canadian border. 

The End.

167. John McCain is elected President! Sadly, you are drafted within six months of his presidency. You are forced to go fight wars you don’t understand or believe in. All the Democrats' worst fears are realized. Neo-conservatives and corporate lobbyists run the country. The middle class are destroyed, America goes bankrupt. McCain has a heart attack and Sarah Palin becomes president. World War III begins. You die alone in a foreign land.

The End.

666. George Bush has declares martial law and anoints himself King of America. You are out after curfew on a thursday night. You do not have the mark on you. The guards tie you to a gas station pump and ignite it. You burn alive. 

The End. 

1776. You’re tired of endless right and left wing propaganda and rhetoric. You write in Ron Paul’s name because he stands for the ideals our country was founded upon. Sadly you live in the state of Ohio and your vote is not counted because Paul is not an authorized write-in candidate. You watch America be destroyed with great regret. But you made known to God that you supported neither approved candidate, and were sick of both parties. One day you are thrown into a prison camp for speaking your mind. You die after seventeen years of backbreaking slave labor. 

The End.