Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Violence Erupts Among Abstract Math Concepts

Editorial

As many know, the global financial crisis has cut a swath of destruction as wide and great as any natural disaster. Covering the world around, inestimable ledgers remain blood red while deficits soar to unheard of heights. As the maelstrom of money flitters and flutters away, personal stories of bankruptcy, depression, suicide and even violence come ebbing back, the soft yet tragic undercurrent of a fiscally irresponsible tsunami. Today, SSB goes undercover and off the record for one such untold story, that of disgruntled imaginary numbers.

Envision the darkest, dirt covered corner in West Texas, replete with tattered rags that used to be Lone Star State flags, concrete floors painted brown, the ever-present stench of beer and urine, multiply that by ten and you have an idea where I was last Tuesday. I cautiously sat down in a corner, ordered a beer and pulled out my tape recorder beginning a conversation with the imaginary number 5 (-5i).

SSB: Mr. Negative five, can you confirm reports that you are involved with an organization called the Mathmatica Imaginary Liberation Front? MILF?

(-5i): Do I look like negative 5 to you? Do you see this “I”? Who are you?

SSB: I am a reporter for SSB. Look, irrational things are happening to irrational numbers. Do you have a response?

-5i: Mr. uh Mr. you have the wrong guy. I’ve never hurt anybody. I’ve never heard of MILF.

SSB: Then can you confirm rumors of the existence of an underground gang of imaginary numbers assaulting communities of real numbers, rational and irrational numbers?

-5i: I’m just a regular old imaginary number. I spend a lot of my time in high school algebra. I pay taxes.

SSB: What would you say if I told you I have picture evidence of you Mr. -5i leading a group of imaginary numbers in the beating of a complex number whose square is greater than zero?

-5i: I would call you a liar. If I was involved, and I was not, it would be out of frustration.

SSB: What do you mean “frustration?”

-5i: The financial crisis, especially the deficit, is so big and complex, so gigantic people can’t wrap their mind around it. I mean what is a thousand billion? People are calling it imaginary. It’s tearing our community apart.

SSB: So this about numbers losing their identity? Is that the source of division?

-5i: Exactly. The thing is, a thousand billion is a real number, a fat bastard of a number. He refuses to be scientifically notated. He just exists with all his damn zeros. I hate that guy.

SSB: Hate him enough to be involved in MILK? I mean MILF?

-5i: No. I have a great respect for numbers of all kinds. The imaginary numbers that are doing this are just trying to understand their piece of the Pi.

SSB: What about your son -2.23606798i? Does he have a respect for all numbers? What's his relationship to Pi?

At this point -5i punched me in the face and left, signifying the end of the interview.

Violence from imaginary numbers continues to rise while the financial crisis remains at the forefront of American’s minds. Are these roving bands of imaginary numbers part of a greater conspiracy or the product of a society ignorant of “different” types of numbers? The truth will out and our nation will be a safe place to live again. The hunt for the ever elusive MILF’s continues.

A.Pennington Reporting

(copyright 2008 Solid State Brains)

Friday, October 3, 2008

Bailout Survives Slings and Wooden Arrows


Today the bailout - "relief" bill passed through the House of Representatives after being senatized (to coin a new word) through the Senate. Nancy Pelosi stated today that the bill was "spiced up" and "loaded with red hot incentives" in comments prior to House debate.

"It was additions such as the no tax on children's wooden arrows, and breaks for studios filming in the United States that really changed my mind." Representative Mike Conway (R) from Texas stated today.


George Voinovich Senator from Ohio was quoted as saying:


"We definitely have done something, no one can deny that."

Today also marked the one thousand and twenty eighth time the song "I'm just a bill" of Schoolhouse Rock fame rang out from President Bush as he signed a bill into law.
The highly controversial bill has been described as " as good as Jesus' brother" and "tits" by America's Wall street overlords.

The extremely rich were very excited by this news, as Hugh Buttersby of Long Island NY stated:

"Last weekend I almost had an entire Polo match ruined by this crisis. Now I can use the money I saved to stimulate the economy by purchasing my favorite underage Korean slave girls from their Chinese Pimp."


The moderately wealthy continued to be rich enough to not care either way.

A great majority of middle class taxpayers flooded the lines and emails of senate and house representatives protesting the bill. The calls and emails of these concerned citizens were met with highly sympathetic pre-canned responses or silence as the email system at the congress was knocked out twice this week. The poor joined the moderately wealthy in apathy towards the passage of the bill.

One homeless man who lives on the bench in front of my apartment building had this to say:

"Can I have a ride to the mall?"


Microsoft also breathed a sigh of relief as the bill was signed today, as they were previously disappointed everyone ignored them.

Other highlights of the bill included far reaching tax savings to offset the 700 billion price tag. The Nascar provision provides some much needed tax relief to race track owners, while makers of fine wool suits get tariff relief worth $148 million. A portion of that money is going to the Wool Trust Fund, world renowned for its compassionate support of the higher education of recently sheared sheep. Puerto Rican and Virgin Island rum manufacturers also received a tax reprieve as they were, I daresay, the hardest hit from this Wall Street debacle.

Copyright 2008, A. Pennington Reporting (AP News)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

IT'S CONTACT A SENATOR DAY!!!!!!!!!

If you're happy and you know it CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!! If you believe that 700 billion dollars could be spent on things other than purchasing bad debt, devaluation of the dollar, and eminent economic collapse, then CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!! If you think that I'm stupid, CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!!! If you breathe air and live in the US or any of it's territories CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!!!!!!

It's fun! It's easy!

Love Barrack Obama? He's a Senator! Give him a call! (Look under Illinois)

Hate John McCain? He's a Senator too! (Look under Arizona)

Hate Obama? Love McCain? The same applies!!!!!

Want to know more about Liberty? Click HERE!

Listed below are the contacts for every seat in senate, write an email, send a letter, give them a call, they truly enjoy hearing from their constituents, that's YOU!!!!!!!

If you are so inclined, listed below that is a form letter ready to be pasted into the body of any happy email. (Thank you Campaign for Liberty!)

Far be from to stifle creativity, feel free to write your own scathing review of their job performance, threaten to do everything in your power to have them removed from office, send them anything and everything, hell, call them up and say hello:

AK: Ted Stevens (R), 522 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3004, Click to contact
AK: Lisa Murkowski (R), 709 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6665, Click to contact
AL: Richard C. Shelby (R), 110 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5744, Click to contact
AL: Jeff Sessions (R), 335 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4124, Click to contact
AR: Blanche L. Lincoln (D), 355 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4843, Click to contact
AR: Mark L. Pryor (D), 255 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2353, Click to contact
AZ: John McCain (R), 241 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2235, Click to contact
AZ: Jon Kyl (R), 730 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4521, Click to contact
CA: Barbara Boxer (D), 112 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3553, Click to contact
CA: Dianne Feinstein (D), 331 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3841, Click to contact
CO: Ken Salazar (D), 702 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5852, Click to contact
CO: Wayne Allard (R), 521 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5941, Click to contact
CT: Joseph I. Lieberman (I), 706 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4041, Click to contact
CT: Christopher J. Dodd (D), 448 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2823, Click to contact
DE: Joseph R. Jr. Biden (D), 201 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5042, Click to contact
DE: Thomas R. Carper (D), 513 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2441, Click to contact
FL: Mel Martinez (R), 356 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3041, Click to contact
FL: Bill Nelson (D), 716 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5274, Click to contact
GA: Johnny Isakson (R), 120 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3643, Click to contact
GA: Saxby Chambliss (R), 416 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3521, Click to contact
HI: Daniel K. Akaka (D), 141 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6361, Click to contact
HI: Daniel K. Inouye (D), 722 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3934, Click to contact
IA: Chuck Grassley (R), 135 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3744, Click to contact
IA: Tom Harkin (D), 731 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3254, Click to contact
ID: Larry E. Craig (R), 520 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2752, Click to contact
ID: Mike Crapo (R), 239 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6142, Click to contact
IL: Barack Obama (D), 713 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2854, Click to contact
IL: Richard Durbin (D), 309 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2152, Click to contact
IN: Evan Bayh (D), 131 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5623, Click to contact
IN: Richard G. Lugar (R), 306 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4814, Click to contact
KS: Sam Brownback (R), 303 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6521, Click to contact
KS: Pat Roberts (R), 109 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4774, Click to contact
KY: Jim Bunning (R), 316 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4343, Click to contact
KY: Mitch McConnell (R), 361 A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2541, Click to contact
LA: Mary L. Landrieu (D), 724 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5824, Click to contact
LA: David Vitter (R), 516 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4623, Click to contact
MA: Edward M. Kennedy (D), 317 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4543, Click to contact
MA: John F. Kerry (D), 304 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2742, Click to contact
MD: Benjamin L. Cardin (D), 509 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4524, Click to contact
MD: Barbara A. Mikulski (D), 503 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4654, Click to contact
ME: Olympia J. Snowe (R), 154 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5344, Click to contact
ME: Susan M. Collins (R), 413 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2523, Click to contact
MI: Debbie Stabenow (D), 133 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4822, Click to contact
MI: Carl Levin (D), 269 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6221, Click to contact
MN: Norm Coleman (R), 320 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5641, Click to contact
MN: Amy Klobuchar (D), 302 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3244, Click to contact
MO: Claire McCaskill (D), 717 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6154, Click to contact
MO: Christopher S. Bond (R), 274 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5721, Click to contact
MS: Roger F. Wicker (R), 487 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6253, Click to contact
MS: Thad Cochran (R), 113 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5054, Click to contact
MT: Max Baucus (D), 511 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2651, Click to contact
MT: Jon Tester (D), 204 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2644, Click to contact
NC: Richard Burr (R), 217 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3154, Click to contact
NC: Elizabeth Dole (R), 555 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6342, Click to contact
ND: Kent Conrad (D), 530 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2043, Click to contactND: Byron L. Dorgan (D), 322 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2551, Click to contact
NE: Chuck Hagel (R), 248 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4224, Click to contact
NE: E. Benjamin Nelson (D), 720 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6551, Click to contact
NH: Judd Gregg (R), 393 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3324, Click to contact
NH: John E. Sununu (R), 111 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2841, Click to contact
NJ: Robert Menendez (D), 317 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4744, Click to contact
NJ: Frank R. Lautenberg (D), 324 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3224, Click to contact
NM: Pete V. Domenici (R), 328 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6621, Click to contact
NM: Jeff Bingaman (D), 703 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5521, Click to contact
NV: Harry Reid (D), 528 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3542, Click to contact
NV: John Ensign (R), 119 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6244, Click to contact
NY: Hillary Rodham Clinton (D), 476 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4451, Click to contact
NY: Charles E. Schumer (D), 313 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6542, Click to contact
OH: Sherrod Brown (D), 455 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2315, Click to contact
OH: George V. Voinovich (R), 524 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3353, Click to contact
OK: Tom Coburn (R), 172 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5754, Click to contact
OK: James M. Inhofe (R), 453 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4721, Click to contact
OR: Gordon H. Smith (R), 404 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3753, Click to contact
OR: Ron Wyden (D), 230 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5244, Click to contact
PA: Robert P. Jr. Casey (D), 383 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6324, Click to contact
PA: Arlen Specter (R), 711 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4254, Click to contact
RI: Jack Reed (D), 728 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4642, Click to contact
RI: Sheldon Whitehouse (D), 502 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2921, Click to contact
SC: Lindsey Graham (R), 290 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5972, Click to contact
SC: Jim DeMint (R), 340 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6121, Click to contact
SD: Tim Johnson (D), 136 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5842, Click to contact
SD: John Thune (R), 493 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2321, Click to contact
TN: Bob Corker (R), 185 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3344, Click to contact
TN: Lamar Alexander (R), 455 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4944, Click to contact
TX: John Cornyn (R), 517 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2934, Click to contact
TX: Kay Bailey Hutchison (R), 284 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5922, Click to contact
UT: Robert F. Bennett (R), 431 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5444, Click to contact
UT: Orrin G. Hatch (R), 104 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5251, Click to contact
VA: John Warner (R), 225 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2023, Click to contact
VA: Jim Webb (D), 144 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4024, Click to contact
VT: Bernard Sanders (I), 332 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5141, Click to contact
VT: Patrick J. Leahy (D), 433 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4242, Click to contact
WA: Maria Cantwell (D), 511 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3441, Click to contact
WA: Patty Murray (D), 173 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2621, Click to contact
WI: Russell D. Feingold (D), 506 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5323, Click to contact
WI: Herb Kohl (D), 330 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5653, Click to contact
WV: John D. IV Rockefeller (D), 531 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6472, Click to contact
WV: Robert C. Byrd (D), 311 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3954, Click to contact
WY: John Barrasso (R), 307 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6441, Click to contact
WY: Michael B. Enzi (R), 379A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3424, Click to contact

Dear Representative/Senator:

I urge you to oppose Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's $700 billion bailout of Wall Street.The bailout:

- violates the Constitution by authorizing the Treasury to purchase bad mortgage-related assets.

- greatly enlarges our national debt and further erodes the value of our dollar.

- bails out Wall Street at the expense of Main Street by putting taxpayer funds at risk while freeing up banks to continue making bad loans.

Already, hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent bailing out Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, and AIG, and the final price tag for those moves could result in trillions of dollars being added to our national debt.

The bailout plan ignores the fundamental reason why our economy is in such crisis: the Federal Reserve and the federal government's interference in the market and manipulation of the money supply spurred major banks and other corporations to back bad mortgages.

Adopting this proposal will only continue the same flawed practices and greatly worsen the long-term effects.

The way out of this current economic crisis is to return to the principles that made this nation great: constitutionally-limited government, personal freedom, low taxes, and a belief in sound money.I am asking that you strengthen our economy by taking action to:

1.) End the Bailouts - The Federal Reserve's authority to use taxpayer money to bail out Wall Street must be revoked and the Fed must be held accountable.

2.) Cut Taxes and Curb Regulation - If we really want to stimulate businesses and revive the market, we need to cut corporate and capital gains taxes, spurring investors to come back to the market and making it easier to attract new workers and clients. It is also time to repeal failed legislation like Sarbanes-Oxley, which has crippled capital markets, diminished our competitiveness, and greatly harmed small businesses.

3.) Reduce Spending - We must freeze all non-entitlement spending by the federal government at current levels and eliminate wasteful spending both domestically and in our trillion-dollar overseas budget. Our debt has to come down, and it won't until we start living within our means. Reducing spending and cutting the debt will strengthen our dollar and reduce our cost of living.

4.) Reform the Monetary System - If we are to have long-term economic progress, we must end the system of printing money out of thin air. The current laws limiting the circulation of gold and silver-backed currency must be overturned.Thank you for your attention in regard to this matter. I will be closely watching as events unfold over the next several days. A vote to approve the bailout plan will cost you my vote for your next reelection bid.

Sincerely,[Your name]