Today the bailout - "relief" bill passed through the House of Representatives after being senatized (to coin a new word) through the Senate. Nancy Pelosi stated today that the bill was "spiced up" and "loaded with red hot incentives" in comments prior to House debate.
"It was additions such as the no tax on children's wooden arrows, and breaks for studios filming in the United States that really changed my mind." Representative Mike Conway (R) from Texas stated today.
George Voinovich Senator from Ohio was quoted as saying:
"We definitely have done something, no one can deny that."
Today also marked the one thousand and twenty eighth time the song "I'm just a bill" of Schoolhouse Rock fame rang out from President Bush as he signed a bill into law. The highly controversial bill has been described as " as good as Jesus' brother" and "tits" by America's Wall street overlords.
The extremely rich were very excited by this news, as Hugh Buttersby of Long Island NY stated:
"Last weekend I almost had an entire Polo match ruined by this crisis. Now I can use the money I saved to stimulate the economy by purchasing my favorite underage Korean slave girls from their Chinese Pimp."
The moderately wealthy continued to be rich enough to not care either way.
A great majority of middle class taxpayers flooded the lines and emails of senate and house representatives protesting the bill. The calls and emails of these concerned citizens were met with highly sympathetic pre-canned responses or silence as the email system at the congress was knocked out twice this week. The poor joined the moderately wealthy in apathy towards the passage of the bill.
One homeless man who lives on the bench in front of my apartment building had this to say:
"Can I have a ride to the mall?"
Microsoft also breathed a sigh of relief as the bill was signed today, as they were previously disappointed everyone ignored them.
Other highlights of the bill included far reaching tax savings to offset the 700 billion price tag. The Nascar provision provides some much needed tax relief to race track owners, while makers of fine wool suits get tariff relief worth $148 million. A portion of that money is going to the Wool Trust Fund, world renowned for its compassionate support of the higher education of recently sheared sheep. Puerto Rican and Virgin Island rum manufacturers also received a tax reprieve as they were, I daresay, the hardest hit from this Wall Street debacle.
Copyright 2008, A. Pennington Reporting (AP News)
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