Hamilton raised from dead, Replaces Paulson

September 23, 2008, In a bold move today President Bush fired Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake, with the latter position of Federal Reserve Chairman being completely eliminated on the advice of Alexander Hamilton.

Hamilton, founding father, economist, political philosopher and the first Secretary of the Treasury was raised from the dead earlier this week in a highly difficult Voodoo ceremony preformed by JuJu Gombowie, local Washington Voodoo practitioner (shown left). The ceremony was the 6th such attempt to revive the former confidant of George Washington.

"Hamilton was resurrected following the strict discipline VoDun or Voodoo in the western speaking world. This followed less traditional methods such as poking his tattered corpse with a sharp stick, electric shock like Frankenstein, Necromancy or "dark magic" and asking him nicely to get up, among others." Dana Perino, White House press secretary stated today in conference.

When questioned on the appointment of Hamilton, Perino had this to say: "The President believes, as does this administration that Alexander Hamilton, though traditionally known as a Federalist, has the knowledge, strength, tenacity and wherewithal to break through party lines and lead us through these dark financial times. He was and is a patriot, leading three battalions at the Siege of Yorktown in 1781, was leader of the National Army during the quasi-war with France in 1798, and of course founder of the National Bank in 1790. He is offering refreshing and complete transparency to the public on his reconstruction plan. Mr. Hamilton is no stranger to the press, having founded the New York Post and is quite anxious to get the word out that a new, old man is in town and he's got our economy well in hand."

Paulson today struck back against the decision of the President to fire him in an interview with a Senior Editor at the Washington Post:"I cannot believe this has happened, I think the administration is making a grave mistake by appointing some antiquated philistine to my previous position. I would like to remind President Bush and the Nation that not only was the man born in England but lived there 13 years before relocating to America. My question is will some Englishman care more about the economy of America than an American? I might also add that he is an admitted adulterer and died after dueling in public with the vice president. Is that who will lead us? God, I hope not." Paulson concluded in exasperated frustration.

The White House had no comment on the remarks of Paulson, however a source close to the president spoke on condition of anonymity stating the outburst was "surprising", "out of character" and "disappointing." Hamilton is expected to address the press corp tomorrow after extensive meetings today with President Bush and other senior staff.

Copyright 2008 A.Pennington, Reporting AP News

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia.org