**SPECIAL ELECTION EDITION**
In efforts to simplify this election SSB has created this handy Choose your Adventure to help guide you through the trials and tribulations you may face this coming election day. Simply click the convenient links until all your dreams come true.-ed.
1. You wake up to an alarm clock going off. You reach over to turn it off. You get out of bed and realize its Tuesday, November 4th 2008. Right after breakfast and a pee it’s time to vote! Do you:
a. “Voting ROCKS!” Turn to page 2.
b. “F’ a bunch of voting!” Turn to page 147.
2. Upon reaching your designated voting destination you are accosted by people encouraging you to vote for their party or issue. Some of them are very forceful and pushy of their opinions. Do you:
a. Let’s get this over with. Turn to page 3.
b. “McCain and Republicans all the way!” Turn to page 64
c. “Obama and Democrats all the way!” Turn to page 64
d. “I hate confrontations. I’m going home.” Turn to page 147.
3. After speaking with several old ladies about which line you should be in, you are patiently waiting when the woman in front of you asks you who they should vote for. Do you:
a. Take the high road?Turn to page 17.
b. Take the low road? Turn to page 22.
4. You finally get into the voting booth and vote for President. Do you:
17. You decide to take the high road. You tell the woman she’s the one to blame for the state of America and slap her. Turn to page 4.
22. You encourage the woman to vote for your candidate. You glow internally knowing you helped one of the “sheeple” make the right decision. Turn to page 4.
64. You punch a person with an opposing viewpoint in the face but they deserved it because you are right 100% of the time. The police show up and arrest you before you get the chance to vote.Turn to page 123.
77. Congratulations on voting your conscience! Sadly, your candidate loses the election. But no one can blame you, except the sore democrat/republican losers. Tragically the middle class are destroyed and America goes Bankrupt from printing too much money and fighting in too many wars. China collects on their treasury bonds, defeating America without a single shot fired. You become an indentured servant of the ruling Chinese class. You are as replaceable as a Double “A” battery. You disappear after voicing your opinion one day... never to be seen again.
The End
123. Your choice has been made for you. A new president is elected. When questioned by the cops you voice your strong opinions. Your name is added to a terrorist suspect list due to your disorderly conduct and extreme beliefs. One night you wake up to a knocking at your door, you answer and are abducted by government agents. You are thrown into a jail cell and tortured for information. You are labeled an enemy combatant and left to rot in an undisclosed location for the rest of your life without the benefit of habeas corpus, a trial or even a lawyer.
The End
147. You have chosen to do nothing. Your choice has been made for you. Due to your lack of foresight, love of television or fear of confrontation America has crumbled and now become a third world nation in the time known as the End of Days. Roving bands of cannibals fillet your skin off and eat you alive.
The End.
166. Barack Obama is elected the first Black President! Sadly, all the fears of suburban and rural white America are confirmed. Barack Obama turns out to be a Muslim and the anti-Christ. Iran attacks Israel and terrorists attack Florida, but not before America becomes a socialist state. Everyones taxes are raised. The middle class is destroyed and the financial system crumbles after the treasury prints too much money with nothing backing it. On day 4 of standing in line for bread your youngest child dies of starvation. In desperation you try and escape the country. You die cold and alone due to starvation. Your withered extremities reach silently toward the Canadian border.
The End.
167. John McCain is elected President! Sadly, you are drafted within six months of his presidency. You are forced to go fight wars you don’t understand or believe in. All the Democrats' worst fears are realized. Neo-conservatives and corporate lobbyists run the country. The middle class are destroyed, America goes bankrupt. McCain has a heart attack and Sarah Palin becomes president. World War III begins. You die alone in a foreign land.
The End.
1776. You’re tired of endless right and left wing propaganda and rhetoric. You write in Ron Paul’s name because he stands for the ideals our country was founded upon. Sadly you live in the state of Ohio and your vote is not counted because Paul is not an authorized write-in candidate. You watch America be destroyed with great regret. But you made known to God that you supported neither approved candidate, and were sick of both parties. One day you are thrown into a prison camp for speaking your mind. You die after seventeen years of backbreaking slave labor.
The End.
a. “Voting ROCKS!” Turn to page 2.
b. “F’ a bunch of voting!” Turn to page 147.
2. Upon reaching your designated voting destination you are accosted by people encouraging you to vote for their party or issue. Some of them are very forceful and pushy of their opinions. Do you:
a. Let’s get this over with. Turn to page 3.
b. “McCain and Republicans all the way!” Turn to page 64
c. “Obama and Democrats all the way!” Turn to page 64
d. “I hate confrontations. I’m going home.” Turn to page 147.
3. After speaking with several old ladies about which line you should be in, you are patiently waiting when the woman in front of you asks you who they should vote for. Do you:
a. Take the high road?Turn to page 17.
b. Take the low road? Turn to page 22.
4. You finally get into the voting booth and vote for President. Do you:
a. “McCain Rules!” or “McCain is the lesser of 2 evils.” Turn to page 167.
b. “Obama Rules!” or “Obama is the lesser of 2 evils.”Turn to page 166.
c. “Third Party candidates rule!” Turn to page 77.
d. Write in Ron Paul. Turn to page 1776.
e. Write in Mickey Mouse or Ross Perot. Turn to page 77.
b. “Obama Rules!” or “Obama is the lesser of 2 evils.”Turn to page 166.
c. “Third Party candidates rule!” Turn to page 77.
d. Write in Ron Paul. Turn to page 1776.
e. Write in Mickey Mouse or Ross Perot. Turn to page 77.
f. None of the above. Turn to page 666.
17. You decide to take the high road. You tell the woman she’s the one to blame for the state of America and slap her. Turn to page 4.
22. You encourage the woman to vote for your candidate. You glow internally knowing you helped one of the “sheeple” make the right decision. Turn to page 4.
64. You punch a person with an opposing viewpoint in the face but they deserved it because you are right 100% of the time. The police show up and arrest you before you get the chance to vote.Turn to page 123.
77. Congratulations on voting your conscience! Sadly, your candidate loses the election. But no one can blame you, except the sore democrat/republican losers. Tragically the middle class are destroyed and America goes Bankrupt from printing too much money and fighting in too many wars. China collects on their treasury bonds, defeating America without a single shot fired. You become an indentured servant of the ruling Chinese class. You are as replaceable as a Double “A” battery. You disappear after voicing your opinion one day... never to be seen again.
The End
123. Your choice has been made for you. A new president is elected. When questioned by the cops you voice your strong opinions. Your name is added to a terrorist suspect list due to your disorderly conduct and extreme beliefs. One night you wake up to a knocking at your door, you answer and are abducted by government agents. You are thrown into a jail cell and tortured for information. You are labeled an enemy combatant and left to rot in an undisclosed location for the rest of your life without the benefit of habeas corpus, a trial or even a lawyer.
The End
147. You have chosen to do nothing. Your choice has been made for you. Due to your lack of foresight, love of television or fear of confrontation America has crumbled and now become a third world nation in the time known as the End of Days. Roving bands of cannibals fillet your skin off and eat you alive.
The End.
166. Barack Obama is elected the first Black President! Sadly, all the fears of suburban and rural white America are confirmed. Barack Obama turns out to be a Muslim and the anti-Christ. Iran attacks Israel and terrorists attack Florida, but not before America becomes a socialist state. Everyones taxes are raised. The middle class is destroyed and the financial system crumbles after the treasury prints too much money with nothing backing it. On day 4 of standing in line for bread your youngest child dies of starvation. In desperation you try and escape the country. You die cold and alone due to starvation. Your withered extremities reach silently toward the Canadian border.
The End.
167. John McCain is elected President! Sadly, you are drafted within six months of his presidency. You are forced to go fight wars you don’t understand or believe in. All the Democrats' worst fears are realized. Neo-conservatives and corporate lobbyists run the country. The middle class are destroyed, America goes bankrupt. McCain has a heart attack and Sarah Palin becomes president. World War III begins. You die alone in a foreign land.
The End.
666. George Bush has declares martial law and anoints himself King of America. You are out after curfew on a thursday night. You do not have the mark on you. The guards tie you to a gas station pump and ignite it. You burn alive.
The End.
1776. You’re tired of endless right and left wing propaganda and rhetoric. You write in Ron Paul’s name because he stands for the ideals our country was founded upon. Sadly you live in the state of Ohio and your vote is not counted because Paul is not an authorized write-in candidate. You watch America be destroyed with great regret. But you made known to God that you supported neither approved candidate, and were sick of both parties. One day you are thrown into a prison camp for speaking your mind. You die after seventeen years of backbreaking slave labor.
The End.
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