You Misunderestimated Me

Jan 12, 2009

WASHINGTON - President Bush today stumbled out in front of a room full of reporters and rambled for quite awhile. It remains unclear if the President was addressing the reporters in his final official press conference or merely 'lucid' dreaming. Bush spent an appreciable amount of time making up words and alternately referring to himself in third and first person context.

While addressing the press corp Bush had this to say:

Sometimes 'they' didn't like the stories you wrote and sometimes you misunderestimated me

In a surprising move the President revealed his private battle with schizophrenia:

Never really, you know, spent that much time, frankly, worrying about the loud voices. I of course hear them, but they didn't affect my policy, nor did they affect -- affect how I made decisions.

As the seemingly infinite conference drew to a close Bush was questioned on his comprehension of the English language:

You need to ask those who -- those who used the words they used.

Bush also signified his plans for the future:

And so I wake up in Crawford Tuesday morning -- I mean, Wednesday morning, and I suspect I'll make Laura coffee and go get it for her. And it's going to be a different feeling. And I can't -- it's kind of like -- I'll report back after I feel it.

It was somewhat dificult to determine if he was going to make coffee and then go out and buy it just to show how rich he is or if he had lost his mind while in front of an audience.

Much could be said on the policies, domestic and foreign, shady business dealings, the subjective way the Constitution was viewed and the lackadaisical treatment of Rule of Law, but I cannot carry on through the tears. SSB is very well wishing of President Bush in his future career as Master Speaker of Temporal Anomalies and collecter of money. We at SSB feel that you could not have done a better job. And though it may be forward, Mr. Bush, on behalf of America and the world:

we are sorry we misunderestimated you.


Good Luck and Godspeed Mr. President. Good luck and Godspeed.

Link to Video of Speech

Copyright 2009 Solid State Brains - A. Pennington White House Press Corp

Choose Your Own Adventure!

**SPECIAL ELECTION EDITION** 

In efforts to simplify this election SSB has created this handy Choose your Adventure to help guide you through the trials and tribulations you may face this coming election day.  Simply click the convenient links until all your dreams come true.-ed. 

1. You wake up to an alarm clock going off. You reach over to turn it off. You get out of bed and realize its Tuesday, November 4^th 2008. Right after breakfast and a pee it’s time to vote! Do you:

a. “Voting ROCKS!” Turn to page 2.
b. “F’ a bunch of voting!” Turn to page 147.

2. Upon reaching your designated voting destination you are accosted by people encouraging you to vote for their party or issue. Some of them are very forceful and pushy of their opinions. Do you: 

a. Let’s get this over with. Turn to page 3.
b. “McCain and Republicans all the way!” Turn to page 64
c. “Obama and Democrats all the way!” Turn to page 64
d. “I hate confrontations. I’m going home.” Turn to page 147.

3. After speaking with several old ladies about which line you should be in, you are patiently waiting when the woman in front of you asks you who they should vote for. Do you:

a. Take the high road?Turn to page 17.
b. Take the low road? Turn to page 22.

4. You finally get into the voting booth and vote for President. Do you:

a. “McCain Rules!” or “McCain is the lesser of 2 evils.” Turn to page 167.
b. “Obama Rules!” or “Obama is the lesser of 2 evils.”Turn to page 166.
c. “Third Party candidates rule!” Turn to page 77.
d. Write in Ron Paul. Turn to page 1776.
e. Write in Mickey Mouse or Ross Perot. Turn to page 77.

f.  None of the above. Turn to page 666.

17. You decide to take the high road. You tell the woman she’s the one to blame for the state of America and slap her. Turn to page 4.

22. You encourage the woman to vote for your candidate. You glow internally knowing you helped one of the “sheeple” make the right decision. Turn to page 4.

64. You punch a person with an opposing viewpoint in the face but they deserved it because you are right 100% of the time. The police show up and arrest you before you get the chance to vote.Turn to page 123.

77. Congratulations on voting your conscience! Sadly, your candidate loses the election. But no one can blame you, except the sore democrat/republican losers. Tragically the middle class are destroyed and America goes Bankrupt from printing too much money and fighting in too many wars. China collects on their treasury bonds, defeating America without a single shot fired. You become an indentured servant of the ruling Chinese class. You are as replaceable as a Double “A” battery. You disappear after voicing your opinion one day... never to be seen again. 

The End

123. Your choice has been made for you. A new president is elected. When questioned by the cops you voice your strong opinions. Your name is added to a terrorist suspect list due to your disorderly conduct and extreme beliefs. One night you wake up to a knocking at your door, you answer and are abducted by government agents. You are thrown into a jail cell and tortured for information. You are labeled an enemy combatant and left to rot in an undisclosed location for the rest of your life without the benefit of habeas corpus, a trial or even a lawyer.

The End

147. You have chosen to do nothing. Your choice has been made for you. Due to your lack of foresight, love of television or fear of confrontation America has crumbled and now become a third world nation in the time known as the End of Days. Roving bands of cannibals fillet your skin off and eat you alive.

The End.

166. Barack Obama is elected the first Black President! Sadly, all the fears of suburban and rural white America are confirmed. Barack Obama turns out to be a Muslim and the anti-Christ. Iran attacks Israel and terrorists attack Florida, but not before America becomes a socialist state. Everyones taxes are raised. The middle class is destroyed and the financial system crumbles after the treasury prints too much money with nothing backing it. On day 4 of standing in line for bread your youngest child dies of starvation. In desperation you try and escape the country. You die cold and alone due to starvation. Your withered extremities reach silently toward the Canadian border. 

The End.

167. John McCain is elected President! Sadly, you are drafted within six months of his presidency. You are forced to go fight wars you don’t understand or believe in. All the Democrats' worst fears are realized. Neo-conservatives and corporate lobbyists run the country. The middle class are destroyed, America goes bankrupt. McCain has a heart attack and Sarah Palin becomes president. World War III begins. You die alone in a foreign land.

The End.

666. George Bush has declares martial law and anoints himself King of America. You are out after curfew on a thursday night. You do not have the mark on you. The guards tie you to a gas station pump and ignite it. You burn alive. 

The End. 

1776. You’re tired of endless right and left wing propaganda and rhetoric. You write in Ron Paul’s name because he stands for the ideals our country was founded upon. Sadly you live in the state of Ohio and your vote is not counted because Paul is not an authorized write-in candidate. You watch America be destroyed with great regret. But you made known to God that you supported neither approved candidate, and were sick of both parties. One day you are thrown into a prison camp for speaking your mind. You die after seventeen years of backbreaking slave labor. 

The End.

IT'S CONTACT A SENATOR DAY!!!!!!!!!

If you're happy and you know it CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!! If you believe that 700 billion dollars could be spent on things other than purchasing bad debt, devaluation of the dollar, and eminent economic collapse, then CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!! If you think that I'm stupid, CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!!! If you breathe air and live in the US or any of it's territories CONTACT YOUR SENATOR!!!!!!!!!

It's fun! It's easy!

Love Barrack Obama? He's a Senator! Give him a call! (Look under Illinois)

Hate John McCain? He's a Senator too! (Look under Arizona)

Hate Obama? Love McCain? The same applies!!!!!

Want to know more about Liberty? Click HERE!

Listed below are the contacts for every seat in senate, write an email, send a letter, give them a call, they truly enjoy hearing from their constituents, that's YOU!!!!!!!

If you are so inclined, listed below that is a form letter ready to be pasted into the body of any happy email. (Thank you Campaign for Liberty!)

Far be from to stifle creativity, feel free to write your own scathing review of their job performance, threaten to do everything in your power to have them removed from office, send them anything and everything, hell, call them up and say hello:

AK: Ted Stevens (R), 522 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3004, Click to contact
AK: Lisa Murkowski (R), 709 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6665, Click to contact
AL: Richard C. Shelby (R), 110 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5744, Click to contact
AL: Jeff Sessions (R), 335 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4124, Click to contact
AR: Blanche L. Lincoln (D), 355 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4843, Click to contact
AR: Mark L. Pryor (D), 255 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2353, Click to contact
AZ: John McCain (R), 241 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2235, Click to contact
AZ: Jon Kyl (R), 730 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4521, Click to contact
CA: Barbara Boxer (D), 112 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3553, Click to contact
CA: Dianne Feinstein (D), 331 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3841, Click to contact
CO: Ken Salazar (D), 702 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5852, Click to contact
CO: Wayne Allard (R), 521 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5941, Click to contact
CT: Joseph I. Lieberman (I), 706 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4041, Click to contact
CT: Christopher J. Dodd (D), 448 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2823, Click to contact
DE: Joseph R. Jr. Biden (D), 201 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5042, Click to contact
DE: Thomas R. Carper (D), 513 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2441, Click to contact
FL: Mel Martinez (R), 356 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3041, Click to contact
FL: Bill Nelson (D), 716 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5274, Click to contact
GA: Johnny Isakson (R), 120 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3643, Click to contact
GA: Saxby Chambliss (R), 416 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3521, Click to contact
HI: Daniel K. Akaka (D), 141 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6361, Click to contact
HI: Daniel K. Inouye (D), 722 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3934, Click to contact
IA: Chuck Grassley (R), 135 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3744, Click to contact
IA: Tom Harkin (D), 731 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3254, Click to contact
ID: Larry E. Craig (R), 520 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2752, Click to contact
ID: Mike Crapo (R), 239 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6142, Click to contact
IL: Barack Obama (D), 713 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2854, Click to contact
IL: Richard Durbin (D), 309 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2152, Click to contact
IN: Evan Bayh (D), 131 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5623, Click to contact
IN: Richard G. Lugar (R), 306 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4814, Click to contact
KS: Sam Brownback (R), 303 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6521, Click to contact
KS: Pat Roberts (R), 109 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4774, Click to contact
KY: Jim Bunning (R), 316 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4343, Click to contact
KY: Mitch McConnell (R), 361 A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2541, Click to contact
LA: Mary L. Landrieu (D), 724 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5824, Click to contact
LA: David Vitter (R), 516 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4623, Click to contact
MA: Edward M. Kennedy (D), 317 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4543, Click to contact
MA: John F. Kerry (D), 304 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2742, Click to contact
MD: Benjamin L. Cardin (D), 509 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4524, Click to contact
MD: Barbara A. Mikulski (D), 503 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4654, Click to contact
ME: Olympia J. Snowe (R), 154 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5344, Click to contact
ME: Susan M. Collins (R), 413 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2523, Click to contact
MI: Debbie Stabenow (D), 133 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4822, Click to contact
MI: Carl Levin (D), 269 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6221, Click to contact
MN: Norm Coleman (R), 320 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5641, Click to contact
MN: Amy Klobuchar (D), 302 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3244, Click to contact
MO: Claire McCaskill (D), 717 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6154, Click to contact
MO: Christopher S. Bond (R), 274 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5721, Click to contact
MS: Roger F. Wicker (R), 487 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6253, Click to contact
MS: Thad Cochran (R), 113 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5054, Click to contact
MT: Max Baucus (D), 511 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2651, Click to contact
MT: Jon Tester (D), 204 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2644, Click to contact
NC: Richard Burr (R), 217 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3154, Click to contact
NC: Elizabeth Dole (R), 555 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6342, Click to contact
ND: Kent Conrad (D), 530 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2043, Click to contactND: Byron L. Dorgan (D), 322 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2551, Click to contact
NE: Chuck Hagel (R), 248 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4224, Click to contact
NE: E. Benjamin Nelson (D), 720 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6551, Click to contact
NH: Judd Gregg (R), 393 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3324, Click to contact
NH: John E. Sununu (R), 111 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2841, Click to contact
NJ: Robert Menendez (D), 317 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4744, Click to contact
NJ: Frank R. Lautenberg (D), 324 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3224, Click to contact
NM: Pete V. Domenici (R), 328 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6621, Click to contact
NM: Jeff Bingaman (D), 703 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5521, Click to contact
NV: Harry Reid (D), 528 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3542, Click to contact
NV: John Ensign (R), 119 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6244, Click to contact
NY: Hillary Rodham Clinton (D), 476 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4451, Click to contact
NY: Charles E. Schumer (D), 313 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6542, Click to contact
OH: Sherrod Brown (D), 455 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2315, Click to contact
OH: George V. Voinovich (R), 524 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3353, Click to contact
OK: Tom Coburn (R), 172 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5754, Click to contact
OK: James M. Inhofe (R), 453 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4721, Click to contact
OR: Gordon H. Smith (R), 404 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3753, Click to contact
OR: Ron Wyden (D), 230 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5244, Click to contact
PA: Robert P. Jr. Casey (D), 383 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6324, Click to contact
PA: Arlen Specter (R), 711 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4254, Click to contact
RI: Jack Reed (D), 728 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4642, Click to contact
RI: Sheldon Whitehouse (D), 502 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2921, Click to contact
SC: Lindsey Graham (R), 290 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5972, Click to contact
SC: Jim DeMint (R), 340 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6121, Click to contact
SD: Tim Johnson (D), 136 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5842, Click to contact
SD: John Thune (R), 493 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2321, Click to contact
TN: Bob Corker (R), 185 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3344, Click to contact
TN: Lamar Alexander (R), 455 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4944, Click to contact
TX: John Cornyn (R), 517 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2934, Click to contact
TX: Kay Bailey Hutchison (R), 284 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5922, Click to contact
UT: Robert F. Bennett (R), 431 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5444, Click to contact
UT: Orrin G. Hatch (R), 104 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5251, Click to contact
VA: John Warner (R), 225 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2023, Click to contact
VA: Jim Webb (D), 144 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4024, Click to contact
VT: Bernard Sanders (I), 332 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5141, Click to contact
VT: Patrick J. Leahy (D), 433 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-4242, Click to contact
WA: Maria Cantwell (D), 511 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3441, Click to contact
WA: Patty Murray (D), 173 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-2621, Click to contact
WI: Russell D. Feingold (D), 506 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5323, Click to contact
WI: Herb Kohl (D), 330 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-5653, Click to contact
WV: John D. IV Rockefeller (D), 531 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6472, Click to contact
WV: Robert C. Byrd (D), 311 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3954, Click to contact
WY: John Barrasso (R), 307 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-6441, Click to contact
WY: Michael B. Enzi (R), 379A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510, (202) 224-3424, Click to contact

Dear Representative/Senator:

I urge you to oppose Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's $700 billion bailout of Wall Street.The bailout:

- violates the Constitution by authorizing the Treasury to purchase bad mortgage-related assets.

- greatly enlarges our national debt and further erodes the value of our dollar.

- bails out Wall Street at the expense of Main Street by putting taxpayer funds at risk while freeing up banks to continue making bad loans.

Already, hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent bailing out Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, and AIG, and the final price tag for those moves could result in trillions of dollars being added to our national debt.

The bailout plan ignores the fundamental reason why our economy is in such crisis: the Federal Reserve and the federal government's interference in the market and manipulation of the money supply spurred major banks and other corporations to back bad mortgages.

Adopting this proposal will only continue the same flawed practices and greatly worsen the long-term effects.

The way out of this current economic crisis is to return to the principles that made this nation great: constitutionally-limited government, personal freedom, low taxes, and a belief in sound money.I am asking that you strengthen our economy by taking action to:

1.) End the Bailouts - The Federal Reserve's authority to use taxpayer money to bail out Wall Street must be revoked and the Fed must be held accountable.

2.) Cut Taxes and Curb Regulation - If we really want to stimulate businesses and revive the market, we need to cut corporate and capital gains taxes, spurring investors to come back to the market and making it easier to attract new workers and clients. It is also time to repeal failed legislation like Sarbanes-Oxley, which has crippled capital markets, diminished our competitiveness, and greatly harmed small businesses.

3.) Reduce Spending - We must freeze all non-entitlement spending by the federal government at current levels and eliminate wasteful spending both domestically and in our trillion-dollar overseas budget. Our debt has to come down, and it won't until we start living within our means. Reducing spending and cutting the debt will strengthen our dollar and reduce our cost of living.

4.) Reform the Monetary System - If we are to have long-term economic progress, we must end the system of printing money out of thin air. The current laws limiting the circulation of gold and silver-backed currency must be overturned.Thank you for your attention in regard to this matter. I will be closely watching as events unfold over the next several days. A vote to approve the bailout plan will cost you my vote for your next reelection bid.

Sincerely,[Your name]

Doomsday or Tuesday?

As it turns out the world doesn't end when congress fails to pass an ill-conceived bill. Although there is much scrambling (like eggs) on many fronts in Washington today. Such as the Presidential front. Nothing says empty rhetoric or talking head like another early morning speech by G.W.B. flapping his lips in the wind or the gusty strong words blowing from the mouths of both presidential candidates.

I heard a small Spanish boy praying out loud in the parking lot this morning, rough translation: "Lord, have you sent Nancy Pelosi to save us?"

The Lord then responded "No." Which is the same in Spanish as it is in English thus requiring no translation.

Luckily in times of crisis we have a thousand AP reporters to report, we have a bunch of government governing and above all we have the Anderson Coopers' of the world to blame the entire thing on the Republican rank and file. (Side note here: nothing against the fountain like espousing of right and left wing propagandist figure heads, but damn, if your gonna Kansas City shuffle, try harder to make me look over there, cuz I just keep seeing what your other hand is doing.)

I read somewhere, someone calling Bush, Cheney, McCain and Paulson the four horseman of the Apocalypse. I think that's strong. Personally they remind me of Larry, Moe, Curly and Coach from Cheers, respectively. I envision Paulson tending bar in a smoky pit, cleaning glasses with a dirty bar rag, pouring strong whiskey sours and gin and tonics to battling monkeys from the land of Zanzibar. Those crazy damn monkeys.

Bush Lies, Public Complains

President George Bush today lied in efforts to assuage the American taxpayers stating that "bailout could end up costing taxpayers nothing." Taxpayers complain lie was less believable than normal.

Prevarication and prestidigitation reigned in the capitol, previous to, during and following the statements of the President.

In response Andrew Schmit of Rochester NY, (Normal Person at large) had this to say:

"I'm very disappointed in Bush, y'know what I mean? The guy lies right? I mean, that's a given, everybody expects the president to lie, but I really feel like he half-assed it. I mean if you told me convincingly and in earnest that unicorns could fly, I may well be prone to believe you. I mean who am I to say that unicorns can't fly?"

The White House had no immediate comment on this article, so our correspondents went out and interviewed random people:

Mellisa Suede, Covington Ky:

"He just didn't sell me on it, look, we all bought weapons of mass destruction thing in Iraq, and sacrificing constitutional rights for Homeland security was brilliant... but he just didn't put the same effort forth here. It will definitely make me think twice before voting republican again."

Vincent Monticelli Orlando Fl:

"First off, I don't like you or your questions. Second, I voted for Ross Perot in the last 4 presidential elections."

James
Simpson, Decatur Il:

"I'll tell ya what a lying bush is... any bitch I dated between 1972 and 1985."

A.Pennington reporting, AP NEWS

Hamilton raised from dead, Replaces Paulson

September 23, 2008, In a bold move today President Bush fired Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake, with the latter position of Federal Reserve Chairman being completely eliminated on the advice of Alexander Hamilton.

Hamilton, founding father, economist, political philosopher and the first Secretary of the Treasury was raised from the dead earlier this week in a highly difficult Voodoo ceremony preformed by JuJu Gombowie, local Washington Voodoo practitioner (shown left). The ceremony was the 6th such attempt to revive the former confidant of George Washington.

"Hamilton was resurrected following the strict discipline VoDun or Voodoo in the western speaking world. This followed less traditional methods such as poking his tattered corpse with a sharp stick, electric shock like Frankenstein, Necromancy or "dark magic" and asking him nicely to get up, among others." Dana Perino, White House press secretary stated today in conference.

When questioned on the appointment of Hamilton, Perino had this to say: "The President believes, as does this administration that Alexander Hamilton, though traditionally known as a Federalist, has the knowledge, strength, tenacity and wherewithal to break through party lines and lead us through these dark financial times. He was and is a patriot, leading three battalions at the Siege of Yorktown in 1781, was leader of the National Army during the quasi-war with France in 1798, and of course founder of the National Bank in 1790. He is offering refreshing and complete transparency to the public on his reconstruction plan. Mr. Hamilton is no stranger to the press, having founded the New York Post and is quite anxious to get the word out that a new, old man is in town and he's got our economy well in hand."

Paulson today struck back against the decision of the President to fire him in an interview with a Senior Editor at the Washington Post:"I cannot believe this has happened, I think the administration is making a grave mistake by appointing some antiquated philistine to my previous position. I would like to remind President Bush and the Nation that not only was the man born in England but lived there 13 years before relocating to America. My question is will some Englishman care more about the economy of America than an American? I might also add that he is an admitted adulterer and died after dueling in public with the vice president. Is that who will lead us? God, I hope not." Paulson concluded in exasperated frustration.

The White House had no comment on the remarks of Paulson, however a source close to the president spoke on condition of anonymity stating the outburst was "surprising", "out of character" and "disappointing." Hamilton is expected to address the press corp tomorrow after extensive meetings today with President Bush and other senior staff.

Copyright 2008 A.Pennington, Reporting AP News

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia.org