Thursday, December 19, 2013

I heard Tom Cruise was gay.

Reprehensible.
Can one be reprehenced? I.E.
"Tom Cruise, you are reprehensible. You deserve to be reprehenced"

Here's a scenario: Nick Cage ever runs into Tom Cruise at a party, walking around waving his arms like his arms are covered in swarms of bees and being awesome. He Locks eyes with Tom Cruise; just for an instant.

Tom Cruise has a magic perpetual smile plastered across his glazed doughnut and thinks to himself "I'm the best, I am the best, I'm the best"? Then Nick cage slaps him.
right in his face.

That's how it happens in my infernal reflections anyway.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

George W. Bush –International Terrorist

I wrote this a few years back, it also can be clearly applied to the Obama Administration. F-you lame peoples of our capital. I give to you you:

George W. Bush –International Terrorist

I know this is a bad way to start things off but hell, terrorism is serious business. And as old G.W. says “The best way to keep the peace is to redefine war on our terms.” Ok, so you want the whole quote?

“But defending our nation is just the beginning of our challenge. My third goal is to take advantage of a tremendous opportunity given few nations in history to extend the current peace into the far realm of the future. A chance to project America's peaceful influence, not just across the world, but across the years.

This opportunity is created by a revolution in the technology of war. Power is increasingly defined, not by mass or size, but by mobility and swiftness. Influence is measured in information, safety is gained in stealth, and force is projected on the long arc of precision-guided weapons. This revolution perfectly matches the strengths of our country the skill of our people and the superiority of our technology. The best way to keep the peace is to redefine war on our terms.” G.W.Bush speaking at the Citadel-09/23/1999


Well, at least he told us in advance what he was going to do. In his own words “Project America’s peaceful influence…by a revolution in the technology of war” Anyway, the argument, the point, is that in orchestrating an illegal war (invasion/occupation) against Iraq, in pooping on our civil liberties (The un-Patriot Act), and Goose-stepping across the constitution, old G.W. and his administration have revealed themselves for what they are, terrorists. Sure, power craving, money hungry but terrorists none the less.

Terrorism in the basic sense and as defined by wikipedia is "the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion."

If we delve a little deeper into word meanings, Terror: Intense, overpowering fear. While we’re at it Tyranny: 1. Oppressive Power 2. Oppressive power exerted by a government 3. A government in which absolute power is vested in a single ruler

Imagine for a second, a world where our phones aren’t tapped and we’re not spied upon, where our government doesn’t hold prisoners without charge for years on end, where our government doesn’t invade and occupy other countries. Yes, it is hard to imagine.

However, this is our country. Our country, our congress, who have backed down from the will of this administration and let him do whatever he wanted. Why? Because if you don’t support Bush, his tactics, his policies then you are an enemy of freedom, you are unpatriotic and subject to his will. At this point I could draw easy comparison’s to another George, that is King George III, the very one America started a revolutionary war with. While we’re here, let us revisit and examine the historical reasons we started that war. Below as listed, some of the indictments against King George III as located in the Declaration of Independence:

1. He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness of his invasions on the rights of the people. - I present for your enjoyment “Presidential Directives” over which congress is unwilling or unable to challenge.

2. He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures. – Gift number two from me to you, PMC – private military company, you know like Blackwater the worlds biggest private army – currently not accountable to any governing body – currently estimated at 30,000 strong here in our land - and good friend to our huggable, lovable vice president Dick Chenny.

3. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation: (Check into foreign diplomacy) a. For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world: b. For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury: (unlucky if your considered a terrorist, even if your not) c. For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offencesWhat was that Geneva convention thing about again?) (Declaration of What?) For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments: A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Well, you may be thinking, ok G.W. reminds me of a monarch of despotism, or an imperial ruler, a tyrant dictator but surely not a terrorist. Well maybe he is those things to us, but he is also a terrorist. He is a terrorist for creating a mindset of fear in this country to forward his political-economical agenda. He is a terrorist for destabilizing all of the Middle East – (Weapons of mass destruction, I mean peace and freedom, I mean oil. Hurrah). He is a terrorist of the Constitution of the United States.

What would Jefferson say now? Wait, I can answer that: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed…

But when a long train of abuses and usurpation's, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

I now end with some words from G.W. to you:

I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. –GW

I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well. -GW

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it. -GW

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Quitting

Merry New year. In efforts to be a better human being, I'm quitting drinking. Seems like a simple enough thing. The problem I think I'm going to have overcoming is that everyone sort of says they don't really want to hang out with the sober me, (He's a morose mother fucker)

Understandably the drunken me has a lot less restrictions and thoughts that slow him down, dulled and impervious with a diminished sense of pain. Well, I'm going knee cap that bitch. Cut his balls off so to speak. No more beers or scotches or Jager bombs or mixed drinks. Then what will become of all those glorious old good times? Master hunter no more. They will change, they must. I have had glorious times, while stone cold sober, I just don't really recall those times. Now I'm rambling on along. Longingly speaking of liquors. F that.

Anyway, Day 1, was invited to the bar. Didn't go. Success for day 1.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Christmas

In the bright young hours of light
when dawn breaks and diminishes the night
we sing the songs of our youth,
as we see the joy in the sons and daughters eyes
on Christmas.

Too queer?
Well then just plain Merry Christmas.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

ObamaRama

SSB is here today to announce our triumphant return from cowering under our desks waiting quietly for the end to come. We have patiently waited for choirs of angels to sing hallelujahs at every bill and executive order issued by our beloved new president, sadly we are still waiting.

We were going to fill this space with our accumulated list of acknowledgments and critiques of our new president, but after reading that article we were pretty damn depressed. Instead we visited Karl Rove and subjected him to the the Rorschach Test. That's right psychology students: Today we get inside the twisted, dirty, mind of Karl Rove (Bush's Brain) .

SSB: Mr. Rove, nice flag pin there, can I call you Uncle Karl?

KR: No.

SSB: You know I used to have an Uncle Karl, he was a strange guy, short to, like 5'-1... he could've been a jockey. He used to set up these crazy elaborate displays with those green plastic army guys, then he would just stomp all over them. Sometimes he would take them and jam them into his mouth and chew them up, like he was some sort of a giant or something.

KR: Are you with CNN?

SSB: No. Anyway, one day he was stompping around doing his thing, jamming toy soldiers into his mouth when he accidently choked on one and died.

KR: Is this the interview?

SSB: You remind me of him.

KR: What? Are you going to ask questions?

SSB: Why Yes I am Uncle Karl. Yes I am.

KR: "..."

SSB: Ok then, well I brought along an outdated psychology test, and I want you to clear your mind. When I show you a picture I want you to to just, y'know, tell me whatever pops into your mind. Ok?

KR: Why would I do that? (Uncle Karl shifts around uneasily in his big chair)

SSB: For the people... for the people. Ok so here we go:



KR: Oil.

SSB: Really? Sort of looks like the devil to me.



KR: Uh, dead terrorist dipped in oil.

SSB: Wow.



KR: Last night. With a bloody bow-tie .

SSB: Really? Care to elaborate?

KR: If your not going to ask questions I'm going to ask you to leave.

SSB: Oh. Well... what do think of the new administration?



KR: Look, I've said it before...is that Obama on that card?

SSB: Why yes it is, sorry, thats not a real card. Don't know how that got in. I work with cut ups. I bet Bush was like that.

KR: How in the hell did you get in here?

SSB: I opened the door and walked in.



KR: This is over.

SSB: that doesn't make any sense. It looks like an ironic mime miming spinning records. Get the irony? Get it?

KR: I'm calling the police. (Uncle Karl picked up the phone and dialed the cops at this point, signifying the end of the interview.)

SSB: Well Uncle Karl... (At this point security came into the room apparently silently called by Rove.) Whoa, you have a secret security button?

<Copyright 2009 Solid State Brains>

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

You Misunderestimated Me



Jan 12, 2009

WASHINGTON - President Bush today stumbled out in front of a room full of reporters and rambled for quite awhile. It remains unclear if the President was addressing the reporters in his final official press conference or merely 'lucid' dreaming. Bush spent an appreciable amount of time making up words and alternately referring to himself in third and first person context.

While addressing the press corp Bush had this to say:
Sometimes 'they' didn't like the stories you wrote and sometimes you misunderestimated me

In a surprising move the President revealed his private battle with schizophrenia:
Never really, you know, spent that much time, frankly, worrying about the loud voices. I of course hear them, but they didn't affect my policy, nor did they affect -- affect how I made decisions.

As the seemingly infinite conference drew to a close Bush was questioned on his comprehension of the English language:
You need to ask those who -- those who used the words they used.

Bush also signified his plans for the future:
And so I wake up in Crawford Tuesday morning -- I mean, Wednesday morning, and I suspect I'll make Laura coffee and go get it for her. And it's going to be a different feeling. And I can't -- it's kind of like -- I'll report back after I feel it.

It was somewhat dificult to determine if he was going to make coffee and then go out and buy it just to show how rich he is or if he had lost his mind while in front of an audience.

Much could be said on the policies, domestic and foreign, shady business dealings, the subjective way the Constitution was viewed and the lackadaisical treatment of Rule of Law, but I cannot carry on through the tears. SSB is very well wishing of President Bush in his future career as Master Speaker of Temporal Anomalies and collecter of money. We at SSB feel that you could not have done a better job. And though it may be forward, Mr. Bush, on behalf of America and the world:

we are sorry we misunderestimated you.


Good Luck and Godspeed Mr. President. Good luck and Godspeed.

Link to Video of Speech

Copyright 2009 Solid State Brains - A. Pennington White House Press Corp

Facebook Fever!



Hands shaking, body covered in cold sweat you reach out to the keyboard and login to Facebook. Furtively and with great strain you check your wall whispering "God I hope someone commented or someone from my 5th grade class adds me as a friend." Then it is with despair you realize no one has updated since your last Facebook fix... 3 minutes ago.

Today SSB reports on the "elephant in the room" that nobody wants to see, the addiction, the controversy and tragedy of Facebook Fever. SSB subjected one of our less popular senior staffers to this downward spiral, then we interviewed him in our tireless efforts to deliver the truth to you dear reader.

SSB: "Please describe in your own words the Facebook "process." We understand it happens in stages or maybe phases? Like the moon?"

Ed: "Sure. Yeah yeah." <Ed said this while smashing a cigarette out and blowing second had smoke into SSB's face. He started smoking 3 hours ago.> "Uh, Stage 1: The Signup...it started innocuously enough, I thought I'd catch up with some old friends, I thought I would move away from the mySpace crowd. Registration was easy."

SSB: "Too easy?"

Ed: "I guess."

SSB: "What happened next?

Ed: "Holy crap man, holy crap."

SSB: "Ok, Stage 2: Holy Crap. Tell us about that."

Ed: "The first trip down memory lane wasn't so great, my head was swimming, so many colors...and I'll tell you this: people were waiting for me when I joined. Like some old friends... just waiting for me, inviting me in."

SSB: "Wait a minute, your saying joining was like crossing over to the other side? The final mystery revealed, your family waiting opened arms for you to finish your journey across the river styx?"

Ed: "I guess so. There were a bunch of people I went to high school with."

SSB: "Astounding. What happened next?"

Ed: "Well, within 10 minutes I had 237 friends. The strange thing was unlike mySpace where I had some measure of anonymity, here I had total exposure. Truth exposed. You know."

SSB: "Sounds terrifying."

Ed: "It is. But after the terror, I found myself trying to find friends I haven't talked to in years."

SSB: "Really? And this is after only one visit to the site?"

Ed: "Yes." <Ed twitches and lights another cigarette>

SSB: "So these are people you haven't spoken to for a decade or more?"

Ed: "Yes." <Ed shivers as if someone walks over his grave.>

SSB: "Are you wanting to check the Facebook now?"

Ed: "No, no of course not."


SSB: "Really Ed? Really?"

Ed: "No!" <Ed breaks down and places his hands over his crying eyes.> "I want to check the Facebook now...I do...I do!"<Ed jumps up and leaps over a desk to log in.>

SSB: "Stage 3, full blown addiction. So Ed, why do you need to check? Is it the sickness?"

Ed: "I've got to know if anyones left me a message! I've got to know!"

SSB: "Tragic Ed. Tragic. By the way, you're fired."

Ed: "What?"

SSB: "Well no one likes you around here. Honestly, you're a douche. And this whole addiction thing is the perfect reason to axe you."

Ed: "..."

SSB: "Ed?"

Ed: "What? I'm updating my wall status!"

SSB: "Get out."

Facebook: mild mannered social networking or menace to society? Facebook Fever, swallowing the aging gen Xers and leaving crack heads in the wake. Only you can decide dear reader. Only you.

Copyright 2009 Solid State Brains